For the past few years I decided against the whole New Years Resolution thing. It never sticks and it usually has me feeling bad about myself before my birthday even rolls around, ten days into the year! Instead I’ve determined to find a focus for the entire year, so I have the opportunity to get back up on the horse should I fall off three hundred and sixty-four times.
This year I decided to start at the basics, as I was essentially building myself back up from ground level after a rather messy breakup in the fall. It was time to begin trusting again, not only in God, but myself and those around me.
There really wasn’t any doubt what scripture I would select to pair with my focus word. Proverbs 3:5-6 was my life vest in the storm that I wallowed through and I knew it would be again for future storms as healing took place.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
Healing is sometimes a messy thing. It requires looking back to places that your mind doesn’t want to go in order to see how far you have come and what a transformation God has worked through you since then.
There have been many nights that I laid in bed questioning what the point was and why it was necessary to have gone through such an experience. And the only answer I have ever found was one and the same as the staple Sunday School answer, Jesus.
It was Jesus that I saw through the friends that interceded on my behalf and that comforted me when I was inconsolable. It was Jesus that I saw when an elder of my church and the man that signs my pay checks extended grace that was not deserved. It was Jesus that I clung to when I felt as though the world was falling out from underneath me.
And it is Jesus that I for the first time in my life, hunger to know.
At the Mexican restaurant up the road from my office, I told my friend that I want to know if Jesus likes to cuddle. And as funny as it sounds, that I want to run my fingers across the nail-marked palms of His hands. And I want to know what my name sounds like on His tongue.
Maybe its my singleness surfacing. Maybe its the fact that I’m just a few months shy of reaching the age that Jesus was when He paid for my salvation. But in all ways, I want to know Him, intimately.
And I caught a glimpse. It wasn’t Him in the flesh or anything. But my church was blessed by an intimate time of worship with Mike Weaver, the lead singer of Big Daddy Weave, two weeks ago. That in and of itself was incredible and awe-inspiring, but what Mike said between the songs of his set list left me slack-jawed and thanking God.
Mike discussed how meaningful verses five and six have meant to him and has inspired their latest record (which I highly recommend). And then he blew me away…
“Verse six says, in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. So acknowledge Him, as in get to know Him, intimately.”
Yes, Lord, I hear You. I feel that tug on my heart and I recognize the desire to seek You more and at a level of understanding beyond what I have ever considered. I want, without a doubt, to recognize You when the time comes when we are face to face. Give me a heart surrendered to You. Strengthen my discipline and banish the things that hinder my devotion to You.