The Panic That Keeps You From Your Best Yes / Ch. 16 – Pages 190 to 203
Today’s post comes to us from the host of The Intentional Filling, Bree Blum.
I stood in the small bathroom stall staring at the hook that my purse hung from. The door was latched shut and I willed my hand to reach out and yank it open, but I could not get my brain to send the proper signals.
I stood in that stall wondering if I was going to be sick from the terror that was rising in my throat. The panic was gripping me, squeezing my chest, so tightly that it felt that my heart might explode from the pressure.
How was I ever going to move from this spot?
In chapter 16 Lysa recounts the gripping story not of she and her sister being saved from drowning, but the experience itself. As I read it, I held my breath, as though the action of allowing air into my own lungs was not a possibility as she shared about the vise-like grip her sister had upon her throat.
Anxiety has its own ways of locking down on your throat, threatening to squeeze the life out of you. It can come on so suddenly that you are left swaying in its wake, and sometimes it creeps slowly towards you, looking you dead in the eye taunting you with the falsities that there is no chance for escape.
That day that I stood in the bathroom stall, I was certain I might drown in the string of self-deprecating thoughts that flooded my brain. I was supposed to be attending two of my dear friend’s engagement party, but I was terrified to even enter the hall it was being held in.
I had driven to the country club in my ’97 Pontiac Bonneville painted multiple colors to cover up the spots that the original paint had chipped off, and I entered wearing my mom’s blouse because my weight had reached its peak and I simply didn’t have something nice enough to wear that could bear my middle.
The only reason I convinced myself to even get out of the car was because I had received a text message from a friend who was already inside. But as soon as I entered the front door, I made an immediate turn into the ladies room as fear launched itself for my throat; latching on and not letting go.
I don’t belong here.
They only invited me because they’re trying to be nice.
I look ridiculous in my mom’s clothes.
Everyone else fits in with these surroundings, but I am helplessly out of place…
Insecurities have a way of surfacing at the most inopportune times. They also have a way of holding us back from opportunities that would allow for growth and learning.
That day, I allowed those lies to keep me from entering that party. I texted my friends instead and feigned sickness and retreated to my multi-colored color with my tail between my legs like a scorned pup.
And there have been many other times that I’ve allowed my insecurities to get the best of me; holding me to the shallow end of life when a part of me desperately wants to dive into the adventure of the deep end, but the fear of its depths and my inability to successfully surface hold me back.
“We must let our identity, not our insecurity, be the first thing that walks into every situation we face – every decision we make.” – Lysa TerKeurst
Years ago I received the wise counsel from a therapist that “life is best lived by believing that the power that brought Christ back to life, and that lives inside of us, is all that is needed to succeed.”
Today I can look back on many times of sheer panic and terror, and recognize the power that I allowed the darkness of the evil one to reign. But at the same time, I have come to recognize the beauty in the moments of surrender to the power of God, when calling upon His name is the life preserver that comes to my aid.
“We find security when we tie our mind-sets to the potential of Jesus’ work in us.”
Very much unlike the heavy weight of my anxieties of my incapabilities, unworthiness, and insecurities of my value, the anchor of Christ will come through to save…always!
What sinking place do you need saving from? Cry out to Jesus today!
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